I’ve always found it hard to forgive myself, especially when I know for sure that I’ve caused something that went awry.

Yet it’s one thing to be hard on myself in the moment, but another to bear the cringe, guilt, and disappointment that lingers afterward. The feeling is beyond ick—it’s one that comes with a weight that can easily become debilitating.

If I could only turn back time, I say to myself. Because in these moments, I’d give anything to change how things turned out.

But I can’t. None of us can. And that sucks.

Yet in these moments, I have to reminded myself that life isn’t a video game—as much as I wish it was.

If there’s any gameplay feature, I am most thankful for, it’s the ability to load last save.

Not fast travel, and not even split screen multiplayer.

Not every game I’ve played has given me the ability to do so. Some games warrant it more than others, with it being beneficial in role-playing games but immersion breaking in puzzle games. I can’t imagine playing any Elder Scrolls or Just Cause title without it, and playing Geometry Dash or The Binding of Isaac with it.

But whenever it’s present, I always let out an internal sigh of relief and silently thank the developers. If I wanted to maximize my score on a particular stage, I’m able to redo it. If I missed some loot, I’m able to backtrack. If I wanted to take a different approach in a conversion with an NPC, I can try it again. If something went awry, I could go back and change things.

It’s liberative, freeing, consoling, and—above all—forgiving. In this way, games such as these are pre-built with mercy, because they give me a second chance.

While I may not be able to load last save in real life, and second chances are few and far between, I’m nonetheless compelled to channel that same spirit of mercy in my own life.

We will always have the gift of retrospect and experience the pain of guilt when we’ve faltered or transgressed, but consolation is found in being able to own up to what happened and say to yourself “there’s always next time.”

The spirit of loading last save is a manifestation of mercy that I’m yet to truly express toward myself—the humility to be thoughtful before I speak or act, the courage to say that it’s okay to screw up sometimes, to realize that it’s not the end of the world.

Whoever the developers are, I thank them for extending to me this morsel of forgiveness—this second (or third, or twenty-seventh) chance. And for those that don’t, I forgive them. And while I’m at it, I forgive myself too.